I'm King of the-- Wait, what?

Psst... you're facing the wrong way.

I hate my parents

Jaws: What kind of pose is that? Try to look like you want to be here.
Rebecca: I don't want to be here. My parents are forcing me to stand next to you. I want to go shopping for new clothes.
Jaws: Nice. That makes me feel real good.
Rebecca: Sorry. You're just not that cool. My little brother likes you if that makes you feel any better.
Jaws: Where the fuck is he?
Rebecca: He ate too much cotton candy. He's throwing up.
Jaws: Good. I hope he throws up on you.

George W. Lynndie

This girl is pretty awesome.

I'm king of the booze cruise

I doubted this was a booze cruise for a moment, but then I remembered that boat + ugly couches + wrist band = booze cruise. I think I was thrown off by the board shorts. Some would think the titanic reenactment would imply clear inebriation, but regular readers of this website know that assumption is sadly wrong.

See no threesome, hear no threesome

How clear is it that none of these people are married? 90 percent? 91 percent? I'm just confused by the bachelor pad black couch and the cat lady Nora Roberts book being in the same house. Maybe they are living as a threesome? I refuse to believe that a fourth person took this photo. Tripod, right?

I'm king of ruining beautiful photos of clouds

G.I Lynndie

These children are pretending to be a famous soldier. When I was a kid we liked to play G.I. Joe. My favorite Joe was Lady Jane. She was the one who would always commit war crimes on the captured cobras. My favorite episode is when she raped Destro with a plunger. Oh, kids-- the more things change, the more they stay the same.

lynndie-tini

True fact: If you drink chocotinis you are more likely to give a Lynndie. Apparently, you are also more likely to look like Michelle Williams.

See no heathens, hear no heathens...

These missionaries are just like the goth kids they trying to convert. That is, if goth kids wore jesus lanyards and posed for lame pictures.

See no parenting, hear no parenting...

This photo's description read, "took a while to get them to do it."

Oh yeah? How long did it take to force your kid to wear your Jack Daniel's t-shirt? It's not even fair. Looking at the photo now, I wonder if they are posing or just tired of dealing/listening to their father. The little guy on the right is literally shaking his head with his hand on his brow in disgust.

We're Queens of the World!

On three, everyone smile and say "Sex in the City!"

I"m king of thrusting!

I like how she's bracing herself with the pole. I wonder what she's muttering through her clenched teeth.

See no career, hear no career...

I'm king of see through clothing!

"Hey what's the big idea! I'm taking a shit and washing my clothes in here."

No need to wash your clothes boys, no matter what you do, you're still going to smell like huge douchebags.

Jaws whispers fashion advice

"What's that Jaws? Speak up."
"Can you hear me now?
"Yes."
"Good."
"So what's up, Jaws?"
"The horizontal stripes, man. Not a good look."
"I come all the way to Universal and that's all you've got for me. Dammit Jaws, I thought you were a fashion guru."
"Fine, but this will cost you extra. Lose the extra long shorts."
"Really? I like them. Are you sure?"
"NEXT CUSTOMER IN LINE!"
"You're such a little bitch, Jaws."

It was a big day for Cindy

She got to pose with Jaws as well as The Macho Man Randy Savage.

I'm king of Nantucket!

TREND ALERT: MAKING FUN OF THE HOMELESS

Last season, when I was down in the dumps, I would drink some spritzers and go out on the town and make fun of people in wheelchairs. Those were the days. But now? Now you know what that is? PASSE! If you are still making fun of the wheelchair bound you are a huge loser. Seriously, stop reading this post if that is the case.

But maybe you've stopped with the wheelchair comedy and are stuck in rut? You're thinking, what can I do to entertain myself in this post-wheelchair mocking world? Fret not. Step one: go out at night with your camera and set it to night vision. Step two: find yourself a homeless person (this will be hard in a rural area, but don't give up) and just give them a good ol' fashioned American Lynndie. Step three: feel amazing.

I'm Lynndie England, Bitch.

This person resembles Lynndie England in that you can't tell if it's a man or a woman.

I'm king of the underworld!

Hear No Evil/It's Like Screaming at a Wall

It's hard to shut yourself off from the evil in this world, you know, man? It's like, it's everywhere. It's in the corporations, in like the MALL, in the fakers and the posers, all the jocks and the bullies and my dad.... You can close your eyes, and shut your ears to it, but you know what? You can't shut your mouth to it. You can't stop expressing yourself about it and like, trying to spread the truth out there about what the reality really is.

That's what my band's all about, man. It's like about sticking it to The Man and shit.

I'm King of the Chocolate Factory!

This waterway bears an uncanny resemblance to the Willy Wonka's river of chocolate.

that dog looks really sad.

nothing funny to say about this post. I just feel bad for the pooch.

To give a lynndie in an arcade you need a backstage pass

I'll teach that dryer who's boss with my lynndie

A Lynndie is no match for an awesome makeout.

Best part of this picture? It was tagged, "thanksgiving."

The high class Lynndie

Nothing completes a wedding like a good reference to human rights violations.

Jaws is insulted at the red heads' blase attitude.

Dear Jaws, please eat my baby, I never want to go to another theme park again.

It's easy, just close your mouth. Go on. Do it. For the love of god, please chomp on my baby! Fine. Be that way.

I hate you, Jaws.

We're the kings of earnestness

"you boys have a good time?"
"Best time ever, Pa."
"And did you convert anyone?"
"Heck yes, the hostess at the hard rock cafe. She gave me this t-shirt."
"Good. That's one less sinner in Myrtle Beach. We'll take on the PGA next."
"And Pa, look at this picture we took."
"You boys gone gay?"
"No Pa, nothing gay here, we're just recreating a scene from Titanic."

I'm the king of the 90s

I'm the king of giving the heimlich maneuver

My boyfriend's the king of forcing me to pose for this photo

Who knows, maybe she wanted to pose for the picture. Her tattoo represents all the tears she shed when she watched Titanic?

I'm King of Danger!

This is the last time little Ralphie Peabody was seen alive.

I'm the King of Rio de Janiero

I'm the king of getting too close on first dates